The pregnancy story no one wants to hear
During my first trimester, I picked up The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy. I was terrified of what to expect, and had heard that this book gives “the real story” of what actually happens when you’re pregnant. I read it and immediately stocked up on TUMS and prepared for my ankles to swell up to roughly the size of my neck. I braced myself for sneaking down to the fridge at 2 am and pulling over to the side of the road to pee during long car trips. I waited for these things… and nothing happened.
My pregnancy experience hasn’t been like the tales I’ve read about in books and on the internet. It’s been…remarkably uneventful. I realized though, that no one wants to hear about that. People want to hear about how awful it is, whether it’s a simple case of schadenfreude or wanting to feel like a martyr.
But here’s the thing: Yes, the emotional aspects of pregnancy are tough and I have been more than affected by them. As far as everything else goes? It hasn’t been that bad. Here’s a list of things people don’t want to hear about:
- Although I did occasionally feel nauseated, I never threw up.
- I don’t waddle and still walk faster than most of the assholes in the Financial District.
- I’m due in 6 1/2 weeks and have only gained 18 lbs. despite the fact that I eat at Chipotle almost daily.
- My feet are the same size they were before I got pregnant
- I rarely get heartburn and have barely touched the jumbo tub of TUMS I purchased.
- my ankles are not swollen.
- I pee a lot during the day, but I also drink a crap-ton of water at work.
- I sleep during the night and rarely get up to use the bathroom and never get up to eat.
- I don’t have stretch marks.
I don’t know how labor and delivery are going to go, and I’m still terrified at the prospect of actually having a kid, but dammit. I’m good at being pregnant.
