December 2008
1 post
I find tumblr to be annoying. →
My new uber-site.
November 2008
1 post
4 tags
Cooper's birth story (Better late than never,...
I’ve been meaning to type this up, but having a tiny spidermonkey constantly attached to you makes it difficult to get things done. Who knew? Anyway, I thought it was important to have a record of Cooper’s birth story written down before it all becomes an epidural-induced haze. So here you go:
Saturday, September 27, 2008
I’ve had an easy pregnancy, but my hubris has started to...
September 2008
1 post
It's the start of the fall season
The fall season is starting, so that means more recaps. I’m already recapping Project Runway over at Cinema Blend, so be sure to check that out if you haven’t already. I’ll be recapping Kitchen Nightmares when that premieres, and tonight I start recapping Gossip Girl, which is premiering in about 15 minutes.
If that’s not CW-y enough for you, I’ll also be covering...
August 2008
2 posts
Oh, shit.
Ever since I was 20 weeks, the doctors have been measuring my fundal height. I’ve consistantly been measuring between 1 and 3 weeks ahead. I got measured yesterday, and I’m still measuring at 3 weeks ahead, so they’re sending me in for another ultrasound next week. Why? because there’s a good chance I could be giving birth to a GIANT MUTANT BABY.
Seriously. I’m...
The pregnancy story no one wants to hear
During my first trimester, I picked up The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy. I was terrified of what to expect, and had heard that this book gives “the real story” of what actually happens when you’re pregnant. I read it and immediately stocked up on TUMS and prepared for my ankles to swell up to roughly the size of my neck. I braced myself for sneaking down to the fridge at...
July 2008
1 post
I guess I should be glad he's excited
Me: You know what my goal is when I have this kid, right?
Luke: No, what?
Me: I want to make you cry.
Luke: Impossible.
Me: Oh, come on. You're saying that you're definitely not going to cry when you meet your son?
Luke: Not going to happen.
Me: I just want you to love baby as much as you apparently love "We Are Marshall."
Luke: But that was sad. Having Baby isn't sad and I don't cry over happy things.
Me: Not even a little bit?
Luke: Nope. I'll tell you what I will do: I'm going to yell "mine!", tuck that baby under my arm and head for the door. I'll look like the Heisman trophy.
June 2008
3 posts
Fact: There are some dudes on reality shows who... →
Things that bother me about Lost that no one else...
The fact that Sun looks like this after giving birth like, a week ago.
Oh, Sun.
May 2008
2 posts
Things that bother me about Lost that no one else...
Are Sawyer’s legs hideously disfigured? Is he a never-nude? If not, can you explain to me why he never takes his pants off when swimming? In last night’s finale, Sawyer jumped out of a helicopter into the middle of the ocean and swam back to the island. Along the way, he managed to lose his shirt, but chose not to lose the jeans. Fact: wet jeans suck. This makes no sense to me.
Even...
April 2008
6 posts
Drowning your sorrows in Cosmos.
I don’t know if I’ll see the Sex and the City movie. I watched the TV show, but it wasn’t this inspirational/aspirational thing in my life. The morbid curiosity, however, may just get me to the Newport Mall on a quiet Sunday afternoon. Anyway, regardless of whether I see it or not, I just want to have this on record: Carrie doesn’t get left at the alter by Big. He dies;...
If you want privacy, don't star in a reality show →
Here I get to talk about babies and TV.
Golden Showers
I had an important realization over the weekend: The question of peeing my pants is not a matter of if, but when.
Stretchy
I love maternity clothes. Like, to an uncomfortable degree. I’m only 17 1/2 weeks along, so I can still pretty much fit into my regular clothes, but I recently realized something very important: I’m only truly happy when I’m wearing jeans with an elastic waist that comes up to my boobs.
Fresh Step
Me: Dude. I can't be the only one who thinks potty chairs are unbelievably gross.
Dave: Oh, just wait until you have your kid.
Me: What? No. My kid is getting a seat that sits on the actual toilet and a step stool.
Dave: But kids find that daunting.
Me: I don't care! I'm not having my child taking a crap into a plastic bucket while watching Dora.
Dave: Well, yeah. It would be weird to keep it in the living room. You would put it in the bathroom next to the toilet.
Me: That's so fucking stupid. If I have to clean my kid's crap out of a container, then it's going to be a litter box. At least that shit clumps.
Dave: Oh, it won't be that gross when it's your own kid.
Me: Whatever. What the hell is the point of making things that are already gross and difficult grosser and more difficult? It's like those assholes who use cloth diapers. Why?
Dave: To save the environment?
Me: The environment is not worth that.
JAM
I was watching The Office last night…alone, and when Jim pulled out the engagement ring that he had bought for Pam the week after they started dating, I actually gasped and screamed, “Oh my God!” And then I got really depressed because I doubted I would have the same explosive reaction when confronted with my own engagement ring.